rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
