Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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