oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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