Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
