I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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