They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
