I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're like the curious george of whores
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
