I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I look better un-naked...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
