Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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