in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
