Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
