im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
