I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Terrible idea I love it
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
