Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
