eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
