Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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