I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
