SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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