you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
