Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
