I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
