you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
