Whod you bang
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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