Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
do nipples grow back?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
