i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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