A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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