the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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