My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
