I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
