I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My life is pants optional.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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