i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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