You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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