Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
