i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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