Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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