I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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