I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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