he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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