you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
