there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
