Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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