somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
