I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
