Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize