the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
