Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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