I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
