I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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