Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
