life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
