Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
